13 First-World Problems Only a New Pair of Shoes Can Fix

*This post was sponsored by Red Dress Boutique.

You’ve been around the block once or twice, and if there’s one thing you’ve learned it’s that a new pair of cute shoes can fix almost anything. Don’t believe us? See below.

Wi-Fi Ain’t Working

Oh, for the love of data. The signs are all there: Instagram won’t refresh and your last email came in three hours ago. Yep, the Wi-Fi is on the fritz.

How to fix it: Buy new sneakers immediately. Then run yourself down to a library or coffee shop to get your social media hit.

Zero Likes

Oopsie. You forgot to keep things light and breezy on your last social media post and… uhhh, is your polarizing story about non-vaccinated zoo animals getting none of the love you’re used to?

How to fix it: Quick! Get some gladiator sandals and snap a photo of those babies. Post the cover photo immediately. Bask in the likes.

Penny Wise

So, typically when one is in between jobs, and searching for a job, and not getting hired for a job, it’s a bad idea to look online at shoes, right?

How to fix it: Screw it. Isn’t there a law of attraction or law of abundance or law of footwear about all this? Buy yourself the platform heels.

Roots are Barking

Oh dear. You’ve got a bad case of two-tone happening in the scalp area, and your hair stylist just left for a month-long cruise. Can you get out of this pinch?

How to fix it: This calls for sparkles. Sparkly shoes are the best at distracting from bad rootage. We may have done our own research on this one.

Lashes are Falling

Those long, gorgeous lash extensions you had put in for a wedding are starting to fall out – but replacing them would cost more than a half dozen pairs of shoes. Dilemma.

How to fix it: How about just one pair of shoes? Flip flops. No one ever went broke buying flip flops.

Eat Chip

It’s more than just a chipped nail, it’s a constant nuisance for the rest of the day. At least until you find a pair of nail clippers. Boy, if only there were something that could make it all better…

How to fix it: Clearly, you need to eliminate the use of your fingers if you’re going to preserve those ladylike nails. It’s definitely time for a new pair of canvas slip-ons.

Texting Crickets

How cool is it that you met your soulmate last night? Weird thing is, his enthusiasm for meeting the love of his life doesn’t quite match yours. Your texting banter seems to be one-directional.

How to fix it: Gotta go big on this one. Time for the boo-yah heel. That’ll show him.

Driving Lemons

When a routine oil change becomes a full transmission replacement, it’s easy to get discouraged. But winners, knowing that transmissions take forever to replace, will use that time to peruse shoes.

How to fix it: Faux snakeskin sandals all the way. Ain’t nobody getting you down in those.

Soggy Snacks

You were counting on the outfit, the cute one, that was supposed to be ready in time for your date. But the dryer decided to take the day off, and you’re left with nothing to wear. Or so it seems.

How to fix it: Switch outfits altogether, and grab a new pair of ankle-strap heels to pull it all together. Get ‘em, tiger!

It Was An Accident

After fighting traffic past the collision on the road, and racing up the stairs once you got to work, and forgetting your laptop at home, it’s a real bummer that your boss also felt the need to chew you out about it.

How to fix it: Prove you’re invincible. Buy some new metallic shoes and make yourself bulletproof!

Morning Mojo

Wait a minute. Someone drank the last of your almond creamer out of the work fridge. What nerve! You’re going to have to walk all the way to the grocery store to buy some more, and the shoes you’re wearing aren’t meant for that.

How to fix it: Switch to flats. And if you already have a pair, get another. There’s really no such thing as too many flats.

Auto Regret

Please. Anything but overdraft fees. Anything but reminders of how, if you’d just paid more attention to the automatic renewal on your subscription, you could have saved yourself a fee equal to the price of a new pair of shoes.

How to fix it: Get the new shoes anyway. Over-the-knee boots are called for. For stomping around to show how mad you are, obviously.

Looking Polished

Oh, no you didn’t. Yes, you did. Practically an entire bottle of nail polish spilled on your favorite ankle boots. They are simply beyond repair.

How to fix it. Finally! A completely legitimate excuse to buy new shoes!

As if you needed one.